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PMS Problems

Question:I have bad PMS, and so for about two weeks every month I’m on an emotional roller coaster. This has done real damage to our sex life. My husband has basically given up initiating sex since I so frequently turn him down, and he has a really hard time understanding what I go through. I do not know what to do.

 

Answer:
PMS is real! It affects the quality of life for millions of women, yet too many couples do not realize there are ways to battle this problem. Begin by identifying the specific symptoms you experience. Typical symptoms include fatigue, depression, irritability, angry outbursts, cravings for sweet and/or salty foods, headache, abdominal bloating, anxiety, confusion, difficulty with concentration and/or memory, swollen hands or feet, tender breasts and tearfulness. Next, keep a log of the dates you experience certain symptoms. On your monthly chart, mark your symptoms with a number from 0 to 10, indicating the severity of the symptom on a given day.

 

These charts will enable you to predict the onset of your internal warfare and plan ahead for its effects. Plan positive sexual times for you and your husband for the two weeks leading up to your symptoms. Then, depending on the severity of your PMS, plan for the type of sexual encounter that would meet your needs and help relieve your stress during that difficult time. For example, you might enjoy being caressed everywhere except your breasts and genitals. Alternatively, you may not want to be touched anywhere, but would enjoy caressing your husband. During those difficult two weeks, make time in your schedule for extra rest. Schedule a “walk-and-talk” time together to occur before your sexual time. Begin your actual physical time with a relaxing spa or a warm shower. Planning for your PMS will reduce the damage to your sex life and increase your husband’s understanding. It might also be possible to treat your PMS. Which may include healthy life style, vitamin supplementation and symptomatic treatment from your doctor.

 

Cheating Wife

Question:
I have been married to my wife for 10 years, and she has been cheating the whole time. She decided to stop cheating and wants to build our relationship, but to be quite honest, I am horrible with sex, romance and foreplay. I always have to ask her for sex and most of the time, she just does it with me because I nag her to death. I need advice on how to get what I want with sex, foreplay and love. My confidence level is so low and I am also about 20 kilos overweight. Plus, I get off in like one minute and although I’ve been reading about how to be a better lover, frankly, it is just not helping. Please help!

 

Answer:
It can be disturbing when one finds out that ones partner cheats. However, it is more disturbing when the real reason for the cheating falls on ones shoulder, in this case, failure to satisfy the partners sexual needs. Reading sex guide will be rather a futile attempt if one has no interest in sex. On the other hand, it is just not right to have sex with no feelings. Sex is not just a physical thing; it involves emotion and bonding between the partners. May be sex is not what the woman want, it is the caring and the loving. That is probably the reason why the partner decides to stop cheating and wants to build the relationship. Tender loving care is not just humping. It is more than that. The touching is more enjoyable than the penetration and after all, once ejaculation has taken place, the curtain falls. It is different when the skin touches the lips are locked and passion flows. Oral sex can be wonderful and pleasurable as well. Do something about the weight and stop nagging. Seek professional help when one has rapid ejaculation. There are numerous treatment options available. It is advisable for both couples to see the doctor so that both parties are aware and would be able to help each other. After all that is what marriage is all about caring for each other.

 

ESP – Enjoyable Safe Pleasure – Your Intimate Care Partner

Does it hurt for him to ask if I’ve finished my menses or try asking for sex?

p>Question:
Hello dr! I’ve been married for almost 7 months now, and I’ve noticed that my husband’s libido/interests in sex is kinda decreasing. I understood that he had been busy with his work lately. On the other note, I thought generally all men love to watch porn. My hubby do watch it before, but now he had stopped watching it. Reason-he said its too fake and boring. There are times I’ve invited him to watch together (I do watch porn for thoughts and tips, not addicted) he refused. If I had my period and didn’t have intercourse with him, he seems fine wit it… even up to 2 weeks or more! He’s never even bothered to ask if my period had ended or so.. I’ve confronted him saying how come he’s not being intimate or touchy with me, he just said that he thought I was still bleeding. He said he wouldn’t know until I told him that I’ve completely mense-free. Does it hurt for him to ask if I’ve finished my menses or try asking for sex..? Is it normal for some guys who don’t watch porn? I’ve noticed that it is me whose going all the way up to him from rubbing, caressing etc. Then it’ll start. I’m quite sexually emotional in this matter…How to make him addicted to have sex with me more often? How to make him have the urge of wanting to have sex with me? I’m quite an attractive woman with nice proportions of my body 5 according to him and most people), I’m not being a modest here but it sounds stupid if he finds me unattractive and no sex appeal. Please help me. Thanks dr..

 

Answer:
Looks like you have done your very best to seduce him and he seems to be cool about it. What was he like when he was chasing you before you tied the knot. For some guys the chasing and hunting part is interesting for them and the moment they get what they wanted, the chasing cools off and life becomes usual, that is back to routine and that is going to work and earning money. For some guys, once they are hitched they take life seriously and they take their partner for granted. They need to be reminded most of the time in a subtle way and they never like to be criticized. You may as well start everything for him, practically take care of him and pamper him the way mummy takes care of her boy and you provide what mummy cannot give him and that is sex. He will love you for that. You don’t have to wait for him to make the move, you make the move and he will take it from there. Continue with your seduction and take him as he is, after all he is the man you married.

 

Would I able to satisfy a woman with a short penis?

Question:
I have a miserable problem. It’s regarding the length of my penis. At a flaccid position, it is only 2 inches in length. Upon erection, it only extends to 4 inches. For your information, I’m also overweight. I stand at 171 cm and weigh 95 kg. I’m afraid to get married as I’m worried that my future wife will be disappointed when she looks at my penis. Would I able to satisfy a woman with a short penis? Would she complain about the length?

Answer:
The penis has always been the precious possession of the male and an organ to be proud of if one is well endowed. On the other hand, an enormous genital will strike terror to the female partner. Obsessing about penis size is nothing new. Erotic art throughout history is full of examples of exaggerated phalluses. When it came to depicting a heroic personage in erotic art, the size of the penis often symbolized the man’s vigour or sexual power. In the woman perspective, size is least thought about. The size of the man’s hearts is what that matters and the romance. What is the average penis size? The reported statistics vary, but some of the more credible measurements taken from a sample of men in the National University of Singapore and a Well Man Clinic in Kuala Lumpur revealed that the average erect penis is between 10-14 cms when measured from the base of the penis to the tip along the top side. The vast majority of erect penises (>85% of men) fell between 10-15 inches. A penis of less than 6cm in erected state will have difficulty with penetration. Obese man will appear to have a smallish phallus and this is because a good portion of the length is embedded in the fat! However, he will find he is not small after all. There are many so-called remedies to improve penile length and girth. It is always better to consult a doctor before one indulges into costly treatment. The so-called creams and capsules are useless and so also massaging the organ with various ‘magic’ oils. There is a penile extender device (Andropenis) that is already available in the market that can be used to add a few centimetres (between 2-5 cm) if applied correctly over a period of 9 hours for 4-6 months. Information on this device is available in www.drismailtambi.com

Is this actually permitted in Islam?

Question:
I’m a Muslim woman who is newly married. I have a question which I find embarrassing but I feel that I should clarify. From your background, I’m sure you are at liberty to provide some answers to my question. My husband and I are in the stage of exploring the wonders of lovemaking. Recently, he asked me to perform oral sex on him. I don’t really mind submitting to his request but is this actually permitted in Islam?

Answer:
Sexuality encompasses life and life events from womb to tomb which includes knowing one self, ones gender and roles and a small part of it involves sexual feelings, human relationship, sexual relationship, birth ,living and death. For Muslims sexuality is a sacred Path a Muslim partakes following the ‘sunnah’ of the Prophet Muhammad. Sex in Islam is taken seriously. It is not a subject for fun or mere absolute pleasure. Decency and due respect always characterize the subject. In Islam, sex is related to marital life and family life. It is viewed as a superior human relationship subject to strict regulations. Thus, sex within a marital relationship is a worship that is rewarded. Outside a marital relationship, sex is a punishable sin. It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating.

Allah is clear on this subject: “They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an “Atha” (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina)…” (2:222)The Holy Koran. Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said, “Guard your private parts except from your wife or your slaves.” Muslim jurists are of the opinion that it is lawful for the husband to perform cunnilingus on his wife, or a wife to suck her husband’s penis (fellatio) and there is no wrong in doing so. But some say that if sucking leads to releasing semen, then it is Makrooh (blameworthy), but there is no decisive evidence (to forbid it).Therefore oral sex is permissible but not an obligation. Sex is wonderful if both parties enjoy and not endure.

Should I give it a try to satisfy my partner’s strange fetish?

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Question:
My partner regularly asks whether he can lick my bottom. He says that if I give it a try, I would love it. Until now, I have vehemently rejected his requests, saying it is disgusting. Is it disgusting? Is it unhealthy? Is my partner gay? Should I give it a try to satisfy my partner’s strange fetish?

 

Answer:
Lovemaking is a mutual experience if both partners are enjoying it. It can be more exciting if both parties explore the wonders of lovemaking like changing positions and indulging in oral sex. Probably the cleanest organ of the body is the genital area as it is well covered and cleaned. The skin of the genitals is sensitive and touching with hands will not be as pleasant as compared to the lips and the tongue. There is no harm trying oral sex if one would like to experience something different in lovemaking. This would give a chance for the partner to get closer to you and to taste you literally.

Vulvodynia

Vulvodynia is the term used to describe women who experience the sensation of vulval burning and soreness in the absence of any obvious skin condition or infection. The sensation of burning and soreness of the vulva can be continuous (unprovoked vulvodynia) or on light touch eg. sexual intercourse or tampon use (provoked vulvodynia). Women who have unprovoked vulvodynia were formally know as having dysaesthetic vulvodynia where pain was felt without touch. Vestibulodynia is the term replacing vestibulitis where pain is felt on light touch. A recent change in the terminology of these conditions means that the description of women with vulvodynia can be more uniform amongst health professionals and patients. Many women have symptoms which overlap between both conditionsDysaesthetic vulvodynia and vestibulitis are now obsolete terms that you’ll hear less and less frequently as they are phased out.

 

What is it?
This condition is a cause of vulval burning and soreness usually as a consequence of irritation or hypersensitivity of the nerve fibres in the vulval skin. The abnormal nerve fibre signals from the skin are felt as a sensation of pain by the woman. This type of pain can occur even when the area is not touched. Another example of nerve-type (neuropathic pain) like vulvodynia is the pain some people experience with an attack of shingles. Once the rash of shingles has disappeared the area of skin where the rash was can be intensely painful and sore despite the skin appearing normal. The condition is called post-hepatic neuralgia.

 

What are the symptoms?
The pain described by women with unprovoked vulvodynia is often of a burning, aching nature. The intensity of pain can vary from mild discomfort to a severe constant pain which can even prevent you from sitting down comfortably. The pain is usually continuous and can interfere with sleep. As with long-term pain of any cause you can have good days and bad days. Itching is not usually a feature of the condition. The pain in unprovoked vulvodynia is not always restricted to the vulval area (area of skin on the outside of the vagina) and some women get pain elsewhere. This can be around the inside of the thighs, upper legs and even around the anus (back passage) and urethra (where you pass urine). Some women also have pain when they empty their bowels. Unprovoked vulvodynia can have an affect on sexual activity and is associated with pain during foreplay and penetration. In some women with unprovoked vulvodynia the burning sensation can be generalised over the whole genital area. Alternatively it can be localised to just the clitoris (clitorodynia) or just one side of the vulva (hemi-vulvodynia).

 

What is there to see on examination?
Usually there is nothing to see on examination as the problem lies with the nerve fibres themselves which are not visible to the skin. Just because your doctor cannot see anything does not mean that there is nothing present.

 

How is it treated?
Pain that originates from nerve fibres, is best treated with drugs that alter the way that the nerve fibres send their impulses to the spinal cord and give the sensation of pain. The most experience to date in treating vulvodynia has been with the tri-cyclic antidepressants. These can be prescribed by your doctor in doses lower than is used to treat depression. The drugs are used because is alters the way the nerve fibres transmit the sensation of pain, not because the doctor thinks it’s all in your mind! Some women do gain some benefit from different types of creams and lotions applied to the vulval area which do act as soothing agents, but it generally best to avoid all creams unless they have been prescribed by your doctor.

 

What is it NOT?
There are many conditions that it is not! It is not infective, it is not related to cancer, and you will not pass it on to your partner. As stated before, some women do experience pain on the insides of the thighs and around the anus, however, this will not spread further.

 

How does it differ from vestibulodynia (formerly vestibulitis)?

Vulvodynia (unprovoked pain) Vestibulodynia (provoked pain)
  • – Spontaneous pain
  • – Pain is burning and sore in nature
  • – Itching not usually a problem
  • – Can be generalised around the vulva or localised
  • – Pain with light touch eg tampon use or sexual intercourse
  • – Usually no symptoms at other times
  • – Can be generalised around the vulva or localised

What causes it?
For a minority of women with vulvodynia, back problems eg slipped discs, can cause spinal nerve compression and cause referred pain to the vulval area. In the majority of cases, however, the precise cause of the nerve damage or irritation remains unknown. It’s known as an idiopathic condition, ie with no known cause.

 

Treatments available from your doctor
Tricyclic antidepressant tablets mentioned above is a standard treatment. The treatment is in tablet form, starting at a low dose and then increasing every few days until the pain subsides. The response to treatment is not overnight and may take several weeks. It is often necessary to continue with treatment for three to six months. Examples of tablets include amitryptyline, nortryptyline and dothiepin.The major drawback for some women on treatment are the side-effects; however these usually settle within the first few weeks of treatment and are not usually exacerbated by increasing the dose. The most common effect is that of tiredness which affects many women. If this occurs try taking the tablets before you go to bed. If this makes you sleepy in the morning and you have difficulty in getting out of bed, try taking the dosage slightly earlier like at teatime. Constipation, having a dry mouth and occasional blurred vision are other complaints whilst on treatment. If you are constipated try taking Senna or Fybogel which are weak bowel stimulants. You should tell your doctor if you are pregnant or have suffered liver and heart problems prior to treatment. Remember that treatment is only for a limited time and not forever!

 

Treatments you can buy without prescription
Vaginal lubricants such as Sensilube, Astroglide or Pleasure Gel (ESP)  can help during intercourse. The are mucous-like and last longer than conventional lubricants. (See also aqueous cream, below.)

 

Complementary treatments are widely used by women with vulval pain and can be more successful than prescription based treatments. Most of the following treatments are available from health shops and can be used safely. If unsure ask your doctor. Aloe Vera gel, Calendula, Dr Bach Rescue cream, hypercal creams and Her Genicare Cream (ESP) are alternative, homeopathic treatments useful for treating sore and painful skin. Try each one separately, but be careful of irritation when applying the cream.

 

Aqueous cream is a very bland plain emollient (soothing cream) that is usually used for treating dried cracked skin. It is perfume-free and is therefore less likely to irritate than the steroid creams. Many women gain benefit from the use of this cream as it soothes and rehydrates the skin. Some women keep the cream in the fridge and this can help even further with inflamed skin. It can be used indefinitely and as frequently as you like. It is available without prescription and can be used as a soap substitute and even a sexual lubricant.

 

You can also use emulsifying ointment (available from pharmacies in 500mg tubs) for washing. If you find it too thick, thin it down with some boiling water. Emulsifying ointment or alternatively Epaderm cream both make good barrier creams for swimming and also good sexual lubricants.

 

For severe attacks of pain Aveeno (oatmeal) sitz baths are an alternative treatment available from most health shops without prescription. Place one sachet in the bath and bathe for 20 minutes. This can be repeated up to four times a day. Alternatively, Emulsiderm bath lotion may help, or Oilatum in the bath.

 

Acupuncture has been shown to benefit women with vulvodynia when the pain is continuous, however, it is important to have treatments which address the genital area.

Vaginal Dryness and Lubrication

Question: I’ve never been able to produce natural lubrication, even when I’m horny and turned on, which makes it awkward and embarrassing during sex. I buy lube, but I’m still so confused as to why I can’t get wet. Is this normal and is there anything I can do about it? Answer: Many women of all ages run into vaginal dryness now and then. Never the less, a dry vagina feels uncomfortable and can make sex painful. The amount of vaginal lubrication varies from woman to woman, within a wide range of normal lubrication. The fluid itself is clear and relatively odourless. You may not take much notice of your vaginal fluid most of the time until you find yourself feeling dry when you should be the opposite when you are sexually aroused. Vaginal dryness can have a variety of causes. Your sensitive vaginal chemistry may be reacting to another kind of chemistry—harsh alkaline soaps, for example. On the other hand, you may be drying up as part of an allergic response to perfumes or dyes. As you get closer to the years of menopause, lowered estrogen levels may also cause dryness of the vagina. In addition, certain skin conditions may interfere with vaginal lubrication. It is normal for some women not to lubricate copiously when they are sexually aroused. It is also possible to lubricate without realizing it. If you are lying on your back, the moisture may pool in the back of your vagina, too far away to make sexual intercourse comfortable. The solution? Before intercourse, try dipping a finger into the vagina and drawing some of the lubrication out to coat the dry surface. Then again, you can use water-soluble lubricants.

When is the most “safe” period to having sex without wearing condom?

hands

Question:
Hi there, may I know when is the most “safe” period to having sex without wearing condom? My friend say the “safe” period is 3 days after girl get period, is it reliable? Will it stand a chance to get pregnant if I eject inside vagina? Another question is if I wish to enjoy the sex pleasure and eject inside, what is the best solution to prevent get pregnant? Thanks.

 

Answer:
It is never ‘safe’ to have sex without a condom when one thinks about sexually transmitted infections (STI) and more so if one plans not to get pregnant or make the partner pregnant. I think in both situations it would be risky to take the chance. You will be surprised to know that the girl can get pregnant even if sex were to be done while she is getting her period!