Question: Hi there! I’ve been married to a wonderful guy in August 2008. I was a virgin until I got married. I do know lots of techniques, positions and tips although I’m not involved practically, thanks to the info on the net these days! First month of our marriage was good, I took almost 10 days to get penetrated, it was very hurtful. After that, all had been smooth sailing till he left to his country. We were together for at least 20 days from the day we got married, minus the 10 days of inable to penetrate, 7 days of my period, so we had good sex for about 3 days till he went back. I was back alone in my country for 1month without him (visa waiting).Now I’m with him and it’s been a month now. First 2 weeks our sex was really good, and then I noticed he started to slow down or get excited quickly. We\’re not planning to have kid at the moment, and he loves the pull out method. Using condom is very disturbing for both of us and we decided to just go on without it but every time he gets climaxed, he pulled it out, that where I will be frustrated because I was almost cum. He even inserts 3 fingers n it was so smooth and I’ll ask him to go faster, but I can’t feel it coming. Am I being loose down there or? Even during sexual intercourse, its very hard for me too feels it nowadays. So I’ll ask him to do faster because it excites me but he will get tired easily. These days we had been just cuddling and kissing on the bed n he’ll go to sleep after that. Is this a normal situation for newly married? On the other hand, I will get upset so fast and emotional because didn’t get to do it. What is happening to us doctor? Any ways too speed up his libido and to make me feel the climax? I’ve spoken to him and he told me he’s too tired because of the office work. He wanted it but he tries to cut down quickly everytime he caresses my private parts.
Answer: So the honeymoon is over and back to day to day activities. When things get out of tune then you got to get it fixed, together as a team and not through tantrums. You mentioned that you were a virgin before marriage. It’s like getting a car and you have never driven it before, then you learn to drive against all the odds and get through. Now you are getting the hang of it and you like to drive as often as you can even with the slightest excuse. You are driving your mate like you are driving that car! Lovemaking is not just getting off. You might get off but he has to work hard and stressed up. When one is stressed one has no control on oneself. That’s what happens to your mate. He was doing fine before you are broken in. Now its look like you has broken him! The signs of stress are tiredness, unable to focus or to concentrate and more so in love making, erection is short lasting and ejaculation is too fast. Maybe you need to slow down, do more non penetrative sex than penetrative sex. Enjoy body mutual contact and massages. Enjoy caressing with mouth and tongue. You can encourage him to tongue your clitoris. The gentle and moist touch of the tongue will drive you to nerve shattering climax. You can let him finger your G-spot, the area at the roof of your vagina,3cm from your vaginal entrance, with deep stroke and if you started to feel the urge to pass urine, that might be the sign of impending climax and maybe female ejaculation, just do it. You will not pee, the flow from your vagina is your ejaculations. You will notice that he will be strong and hardy in the morning and his flagpole will remain steady fast. This will be your opportunity to ride him on and you will be able to experience a headsplitting climax. Look into the positive side of lovemaking. You have got a long way to go. Always bring back the car to fill the tank full and not to get it overheated!