My 2 1/2 year old daughter has her own bedroom, but she’s afraid to stay in it at night. I think she should feel welcome to sleep with me and my husband until she’s ready to be on her own, but my husband says it’s ruining our sex life. We still fit in some quickies from time to time, and it seems to me that our daughter’s emotional security is more important than how often my husband and I are getting off. This issue has turned into a real problem between us, and we can hardly even talk about it without getting really upset. Can you help us to settle this argument?
Answer:
Bringing up a child is the responsibility of both parents. Children need to be rewarded for any achievement and that include staying in their own bedroom. Encouraging then to sleep in or co-sleeping every time they are afraid is not the best solution for both parties. Critics of bed sharing have argued that co-sleeping may interfere with a child’s development, create psychological problems, or compromise a youngster’s sleep habits However, there are two sides to the controversy. Some parents and experts argue that bed sharing with parents makes for comforted, tantrum-free children, and may even help their sleeping patterns. Others have claimed that bed sharing leads to a healthy sense of self for a child and to stronger, closer parent-child relationships. Recent studies show that children who bed-share are not more likely to have emotional problems than children who don’t, and that bed sharing before 6 years of age appears to have no major impact on a child’s development or behavior.
Many psychologists feel strongly that parents and children should be sleeping in their own beds. Parents should get kids excited about the independence of sleeping in their own room. Make a game out of it, giving them gold stars or rewards for making progress. Start a new habit of going into your child’s room and reading a bedtime story but do not sleep there. Comfort your child by being available, but allow co-sleeping only on special circumstances (such as the occasional thunderstorm).
To help a child overcome fear of the dark, it would be helpful to buy a lamp dimmer, so that the child will feel more comfortable and safe. Draw the threshold and make it clear that your bedroom is off limits. It may be difficult at first, but in a short time, children will develop their own methods of soothing themselves and feel safe, secure and comfortable under their own covers.